Ode to the Full Nightstand Beer

Select haikus about "judgey room temp piss"

I submitted these a few places with only rejections in response. Which is totally fine. But my toxic trait beige flag is that when something makes me laugh, I can’t not share it until SOMEONE else laughs at it, too. Like, to prove to myself that I’m not crazy? I don’t even know. I hope literally one other person enjoys these, so I can sleep at night, clutching my emotional support full beer.

1
“Crack open one more”
says my drunk brain to my hand
for the zillionth time


2
I need you like a
snowman needs a scarf, meaning
I do not need you


3
Maybe this beer wants
to go on an adventure
while I am asleep


4
Full and cold, I set
you down by the bed, then wake
to you, full and warm


5
Staring at me from
the nightstand – a bottle of
judgey room temp piss


6
The bed is all wet
Did I have a bad dream or –
nope, just spilled a beer